Author: mccannfamilytravels

“Let every heart prepare Him room” – this one line from the carol ‘Joy to the World’ has been resounding in my heart and mind over and over and over these last few weeks, with the line from the sweet song in the second ‘Angela’s Christmas’ movie, “Make a place in your heart for me*” mixed right in. Even before these two lines became my sound track I had had a sense that God was saying to not get caught up in the busyness of what we have made Christmas to be, but to make it about what it is really about: Jesus. 

I’m writing this at 1am from my bed as I woke and sickness seemed to once again be threatening to come and scupper our ‘plans’. Before I came to bed last night I was thinking about my Christmas shopping plans for the morning (as all the girls should be at school/nursery in the morning), but as I cleaned my teeth I stood surrendering all to the Lord and asking that He would direct my steps. There is so much ‘threat’ at the moment, with covid rife at school and the new variant spreading so rapidly – plus all the usual coughs/colds/flu –  that I’ve been holding any plans lightly anyway, knowing that external factors may affect them, yet when I woke in the night a number of things came to my mind…

Yesterday I literally glimpsed only the first line of an email I’d been sent (I’d opened up the email but didn’t have time to read it, just happened to catch the first line) and it talked of the world “heading towards its final destiny with God”. The shakings that are going on are not going to stop. Whether it is new variant after new variant that will perplex scientists and show the world that we really aren’t in control, or whether it is natural disasters or other such things, there are quite a number of places in the Bible where God speaks of the shakings that are going to take place… here are two that came to mind:

Haggai 2:6-7 “For thus says the Lord of hosts: Yet once more, in a little while, I will shake the heavens and the earth and the sea and the dry land. And I will shake all nations, so that the treasures of all nations shall come in, and I will fill this house with glory, says the Lord of hosts.”

Hebrews 12:26-27 “At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” This phrase, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain.”

Friends, God wants our hearts. His desire is to dwell with us. He came as a baby all those years ago for that reason – to dwell with us and then to rescue us. Have you made room for Him in your heart? Will you let Him in? It’s the most beautiful thing to know Jesus and to have Him dwell with you – the Creator of all things, the One who has all the resources of the universe at His disposal, the compassionate, merciful, loving, tender Father – He and His Son and His Spirit making their home with you is the only real stability in these times. Even today you can turn and welcome Him. He will come.

In the midst of the busyness and pressures that come at this time of year we’re seeking to carve out space, to make time, to lay down our plans and even the perceived pressures, to focus on the real reason we celebrate Christmas, because it really is so easy for the focus to be subtly off. It’s easy because we know the story & songs so well that we can sing them and hear them with out deeply connecting to them – yet believing that this year, this Christmas, it is to be different… that God is doing something new, moving in unexpected ways, and calling His people to be ready and to make room for Him to move. To REALLY make room for Him.

May the God of all peace help us and give us the grace to make room for Him this Christmas and throughout 2022. May He keep us through the shakings and draw us to His side, that we would shine bright in the midst of this dark world.

*I think the actual words in the movie may be ‘Leave a place in your heart for me’, and in context a little girl singing it to her Dad, it but it’s the line that has stuck in my head and I’ve been hearing it as from the Lord.

It’s a great time to reflect on the year that has been and we’re loooong overdue a blog post! Now to try to finish this before 2021 begins!

I think it was at our New Years Eve prayer gathering a year ago that God spoke the words, ‘Divine Reset’ to me, and then He reminded me of them again one evening in March as I was lying in bed and as the Covid 19 virus was just beginning to affect our day to day lives. It’s something we have pondered and wondered at over the past year as the months have unfolded and the year been so unlike any other.

For us the first lock down in March came after a bumpy beginning to the year when we had Katherine in hospital for a week with pneumonia. Having the girls home all day every day and having to contend with online schooling (when all the girls are at the age where they are not yet independent in their work but need constant supervision and help) was exhausting and stretching, but we were blessed with the most amazing weather for week after week after week – truly I believe it was a blessing from God. Although it was a challenging few months (William was still able to go to work so he worked early morning until mid-afternoon) it was also SO lovely not to have to be anywhere or to have the pressures of time constraints. The girls spent a lot of time in the garden (which we discovered was double the size we could see but incredibly overgrown in the top half) and it was our major project during those months to clear the top half of our garden and plant vegetables (we even discovered there was an almost fully intact greenhouse up there!).

The 3 months of the first lockdown were also wonderful for getting to know our neighbors (having only moved to this house just before Christmas) and it has been one of the highlights of being here during this year as there is a great sense of community in our road and people looking out for each other. In spite of feeling for the first month or so that it was a huge mistake moving to this house, I’ve been humbled to see the hand of God in our move and became very sure that we are exactly where He intended us to be. Being only a few minutes walk from the girls school and less than 10 minutes walk to church (& work for William) has been more perfect than we could have imagined, and we were all the more thankful for this when the girls did go back to school in June but Abigail finished at lunch time, Katherine at 3pm and Audrey at 3:20pm!! What a blessing to be so close!

Over the summer holidays we were able to visit Granny (my mum) over in Cheltenham for some days and had a wonderful meeting up with my younger brother too, and to travel up to Yorkshire for a couple of weeks of exploring and visiting friends. We were all the more appreciative the countryside and the time away from Bromley having been so confined for the lockdown months. In October my mum had a bad fall and broke her femur which resulted in a couple of weeks in hospital. I was thankful that the covid restrictions at that time still allowed me to be able to go over to visit twice, and that the girls had been able to see her in the summer. Although she is doing much better and is now back in her home after time convalescing with my brother, it makes you value life all the more and to realize how fragile it is.

Thankfully the girls were all able to return to school in September – Abigail into year 3, Audrey into year 2 and Katherine into year 1 – and apart from Abigail having to isolate for a week because of a Covid case in her class, the girls have been able to be at school full-time. Praise God!! And so far the girls have settled well and are enjoying their teachers and the work. All got good reports and are thankfully doing well. They are so different from one another and at home we see the good, the bad and the ugly, so as parents we often wonder how they are really getting on at school… so it was encouraging that they did get good reports!! Katherine keeps her teachers on their toes though… she hasn’t escaped from school yet but has from the classroom a number of times and a couple of days she went on a hiding adventure before she even got to her classroom in the morning!!

Personally I’ve found this last half-term has been a bit of a challenge… I think when the girls went back to school after half-term (during which, incidentally, we had a wonderful week away in Devon), I was home with Ruth all the time and hit a patch of wondering what on earth my life was about. Did it really come down to entertaining (and taming) a 3 year old all day every day? Wasn’t there more to my purpose and meaning than that (and obviously taking care of the other 3 & William too)?… I lost perspective and vision and couldn’t see much beyond the day to day toddler tantrums and general exhaustion of 4 kids (and Katherine having great sleep challenges). I’d also been diagnosed with a cavernoma (a benign vascular brain tumor) in September and though I don’t have symptoms I had to battle through some fears and runaway thoughts which were heightened in the midst of the loss of vision/perspective. Thank God for the prayers of friends that helped me to see again. And we thank God that Ruth will also be starting nursery in January for 2 mornings a week, allowing just a little breathing space!! Well, maybe…

This evening the government announced that primary schools in this borough will not be starting back as planned… so we will be back to home schooling for at least a couple of weeks from Monday… aaagh! At least this time we have some experience behind us and will be praying over the next couple of days to get a clear plan in place to hopefully have productive and peaceful days! This time we don’t have long sunny days though… maybe God will bless us with snow instead!! We’re not yet sure whether Ruth will start nursery or whether that too will be pushed back.

In all of this uncertainty and the challenges we find ourselves in the midst of, we know that we need Jesus more than ever and that clinging to Him, seeking Him and trusting Him through these seasons is the most vital thing in our life. As we’re faced more and more with the reality that pretty much everything is out of our control we are seeking to come before our God to hear what He is saying and to know what He is requiring of us. We are also coming into our last year of William’s role at BTC, so we are continuing to seek God for direction beyond this year – as yet we have no idea whether we will be staying in England or returning to the US or indeed going anywhere else in the world – we are trusting that God will lead us to the center of His will and we continue to lay down our lives and our will in any matter of the future. He truly does have the best plan for us – we’ve seen it over and again, even in the last year, and very much so in the almost 2 years that we have been here in the UK.

Hopefully I’ll post some photos too from 2020 (though I take a ridiculous number of photos so I’ll have to limit them) and all that remains is to send you much love and to wish you a very happy New Year and every blessing for 2021. Trust Jesus…He’ll get you through!

I started writing this post way back in February, and as we’re long overdue a blogpost I’m going to start with what I wrote back then…

“The last couple of months have been challenging. Exhausting and challenging. And at times we wondered whether we’d come out of the battle in one piece. Thankfully we have, and with rejoicing. We serve a good God.

At the beginning of the year, in the midst of great struggle, the scripture that kept coming to me was Romans 8:28, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  That, coupled with a song we often sing, “Way Maker”

We knew in late September that we would be moving house in December, so we prayed, looked and waited, prayed, looked and waited…and prayed some more. Nothing seemed to be coming through. We had seen God provide miraculously with first house we’d been in and we had faith to see Him move again. But in the end it seemed like it was our ‘last resort’, and the only option available, that we ended up moving into… a week delayed, meaning that we moved just a few days before Christmas.

I felt bitterly disappointed and pretty much everything about the house grated on us. It was smaller, on three levels, and you could barely fit more than one person in the kitchen. The stairs to the attic creaked so badly that the girls would wake up when we went up or down. I felt like we’d missed something – missed God’s plan or timing and relied on our human wisdom to end up in this place.  The only positive we could see was that we were walking distance to the girls school and to church.

Little did we know how much of a blessing that would be when the girls went back to school in January. Or should have done. Ruth had had a virus a few days before, then the night before the girls should have gone back, all of the girls got a vomiting bug. We’ve never had all of them sick at once before…I won’t go into details but we did see the humorous side as we dashed from bed to bed catching vomit in buckets, cleaning, sanitizing and then repeating. It truly was exhausting. And whilst the older two bounced back fairly quickly, Katherine ended up in hospital for a week with pneumonia.”

Five months on from the stressful start to the year we see God’s hand all over our move and in the months since. Once we had clear confirmation from the Lord that this was indeed the house He had chosen for us (towards the end of January), no matter how ordinary a process it was for us to get it, we were able to settle and unpack. There are still some thing about the house that are challenging, but the good far outweighs the bad!  Even during Katherine’s hospitalization we knew that if we had been in our old house it would have been so much more difficult for William to get the girls to school and for him to get to work. We have a purpose in being here and whilst we don’t fully know what that is yet, God has opened doors with neighbors up and down the road – there is such a wonderful sense of community here that was entirely lacking in our first road – so we are praying expectantly. I’ll write another post soon (hopefully!) with the details of some of the amazing blessings we’ve seen since we moved – if I write them here it will be way too long!

We’re in the 10th week of the girls being off school and the country being in lockdown now, and whilst some restrictions have eased, it hasn’t meant much change for us…except for the hopeful expectation that Audrey & Katherine will return to school next week (which is actually pretty massive!)    Although it’s been another exhausting season, juggling homeschooling and day to day life with pretty much no respite from the girls, we see the many blessings of this season too. It’s been good to be together and not have the pressure of having to be anywhere on any day at a certain time. And God has blessed us with 10 weeks of glorious weather – it’s literally only rained 2 or 3 days in 10 weeks, which is supernatural for England!! Obviously for many the experience of this season has been entirely different, and we hold that in our hearts too.

I’m going to end this post here with a few photos from the first half of this year. The girls are growing fast and are still enjoying England (and the long break from school)! Much love to you all!

A few weeks ago Pr Jonathan (senior pastor at BTC) preached about ‘God At Work – Preparing for His Return’ and it touched on something that has been stirring deep within me. It’s a subject not too often talked about and often connected with weird and wacky ideas that can be rather off-putting, yet it is a reality that we need to have centre-stage in our lives.

Living with an awareness that Jesus is the ‘soon coming King’ affects the way we live. Yet it’s all too easy to get caught up in the busyness of life and become unaware. Last Sunday’s message was a reminder and a wake-up call. (You can click on the link above to listen to it if you want to hear more).

One of the things that struck me in a new way that Sunday, was that ALL will see Jesus returning. It won’t be missed, it won’t be quiet, it won’t be unnoticeable. And those that know Him and have awaited His return will be both shaken and in awe, and those that have rejected Him or denied His existence will run terrified, crying even for the rocks to cover them.

So what does it mean for us to live in the light of the truth that Jesus is coming again? How DOES that affect our every day lives?

I believe that first and foremost it is a heart issue. Is Jesus first in my heart? Is He the centre? Do I pour out my love to Him daily? Jesus is returning for a pure and spotless bride – am I giving myself to Him daily to be made pure, to be cleansed, to be prepared? How I do I do that when the demands of the day are such that I don’t have a regular time set aside to pray and read early in the morning and by the evening have such a battle staying awake? Y’all, God gives grace and He gave us our children, but 4 girls aged 2-6 are exhausting!! The battle IS real. And it is a matter of the heart.

Reading the Word and being saturated in God’s Truth is central to living with an awareness of Jesus’ return. After all, it is the Bible that speaks much about His return and points to it throughout… the culmination of God’s plan of redemption and salvation for the earth. Without that we wouldn’t have any awareness or know how we are called to live. So we read, and we pray, and we seek to live and pray what we read.

There’s a wonderful song a friend sent me a couple of months ago – Yet Not I But Through Christ In Me by CityAlight – it quickly became my favorite because it encapsulates the truth that it is all about God anyway – my role is to yield to Him, surrender the entirety of my life to Him and to let Him have His way in me – He does everything else to get me to the goal.

The school called again today… and I’ve decided to start keeping a record of the reasons they call, because, based on the two calls we’ve had so far, this could be an entertaining year! The conversation begins, “Hello, is that Katherine’s mum? Everyone is ok.” I’m glad of that quick reassurance. “Katherine sat IN the water table today. We’ve changed her clothes, and her shoes are drying in the sun but won’t be dry enough for her to walk in, so please bring another pair of shoes with you for pick up.” I chuckle as I picture it! Oh she loves to get wet. And she’s quick! Hopefully the teachers remain entertained and don’t wear to exasperated. We’re only 2 weeks into term. (The first call also was for us to bring shoes for pick up as the sole of her shoe had entirely come off – I’m not sure that was Katherine’s fault but she certainly may have helped it).

Last night she tried brushing her teeth with a razor that I accidentally left out in the bathroom. Praise God her injuries were very minor with only a couple of tiny bloody cuts on her tongue…it could have been SO much worse. It’s impossible to always have our eyes on her, but it reminded me that I can’t become complacent and also that I need to be praying for her teachers as she does have a way of getting into things she shouldn’t be in!

But other than that, school is going well. The bigger girls are settling back into the routine of it and seem happy with their teachers, and Katherine is clearly exploring a great deal and entertaining her teachers (it’s her teachers’ first time teaching a child with DS so it’s a learning curve!). Ruth is having a harder time adjusting to her sisters being gone and cried every day for the first two weeks as we left them, as we got back in the car, as we drove home, calling out, “Abbie-Audrey, Abbie-Audrey” repeatedly, with an occasional, “Ka-rin” thrown in. Sweet baby girl. She does settle once we are home or doing something else but she doesn’t much like the separating bit!

It’s definitely a change having three of the girls in school. Wow…I’m even getting to write a blog post (albeit still over days!) and it’s not 11pm! I don’t think this has ever happened!!  Before the summer holidays I was anxiously asking the Lord what I was supposed to be doing once Katherine joined the other two in school, wondering whether I should get a job and what our day to day schedule should be like. Over the last couple of months He’s been making it clear that I’m to ‘BE’ and not to get busy ‘doing’. With more free time now than I’ve had for the past five years there is definitely a temptation to ‘DO’!

There’s a song that has become my latest favorite. It stirs a cry deep inside and a longing to be found ready. A good part of the call to ‘be’ rather than ‘do’, is for me, I believe, a call to intimacy with God… to spend more time being with Him and letting Him teach me what that means! I’m looking forward to this new season… though it’s not all going to be sitting around enjoying peace and quiet! It looks like we are going to be moving again around Christmas time… the Baptist church next door has found a new pastor who is planning on moving in here between Christmas and New Year, so we are seeking to hear what God is saying about where next. It truly feels like there could be nowhere more perfect than where we are now, and we are thankful for the months we’ve had here, but we love and serve a God who is able and who has already worked miracles to have us where we are today… so we are believing that He’ll take care of us and provide our next house!

We’ll leave you with some photos from our summer holidays… we had a wonderful summer and enjoyed some time away visiting friends in Shropshire, Manchester and Yorkshire.  In our last week we were saddened by the loss of William’s wonderful dad, particularly hard after losing his mum in January. William was thankfully able to fly out to the US for the memorial service and to spend some time with his siblings. We rejoice knowing that his Dad is now free from suffering and is rejoicing with the saints, reunited with his wife and living eternally in the presence of his Saviour. What a hope we have been given! Thank you Jesus!

I used to hate Father’s Day. It was a day that highlighted the pain that was deep inside and in which I felt lost and alone. It was a day I wanted to avoid yet the reminders were all around and whilst others celebrated I was trapped in anguish, pain and the feeling of abandonment.

You see, my father died just after I turned 13. Afterwards I didn’t talk about it. Life carried on and I didn’t grieve, didn’t process, didn’t work through it… I just bottled every feeling deep inside and kept going. For years and years. With hindsight the pain seeped out and was expressed in various ways, but was generally hidden.

A few years ago the Lord showed me that as a little girl I had made a vow that I would never let anyone be my father again. Little did I know that this even extended to God Himself.

Though I had been a believer and follower of Jesus for many years, in the depths of me there had been a ‘disconnect’ in some way. I had battled to know God as Father, to trust Him fully, to really believe that He loves me and cares for me. I’d given mental ascent to knowing God as my Father – I’d known it is the truth and sought to believe it – but there was a gaping chasm between that head knowledge and the reality of knowing it in the depths of my heart.

The fact was I didn’t have a father who was physically present through my teenage years and throughout adulthood. I didn’t have a father to be proud of me, to encourage me, to give me direction and advice, to hug me, to hold me, to walk me down the aisle, to pray for me, to call me, to welcome me home, to visit. There was a barren finality and lack of hope about getting what my heart craved and longed for.

My God is a Redeemer and the God Who Sees. In an encounter I had with Him a few years ago, during a week of 24-7 prayer, He revealed that as a little child of just two I closed off my heart. I shut down parts of it and unknowingly they had remained closed, afraid, hurting, broken, in spite of my conscious desire and fight to surrender my whole heart and to yield everything to the One who created me. I didn’t know of the closed off places, but the Lord did. I didn’t know the way to open them, but God did. He’d been working over months, weeks, even years, to draw me in and to soften me, to build trust, to bring awareness and revelation.

In spite of the greatest longing and need of my heart to know God as my Father, the reality was that I had closed my heart to letting anyone be my father, to even letting God be my Father. In His love He brought me to the place of letting go of my grasp, my grip, my fear, and to letting Him into every room of my heart, every little bit of it, and to yielding trust to Him so that He can be my Father, allowing Him to be my Father and letting Him Father me. During the encounter I REALLY became His daughter. I let Him adopt me. I let Him come in. I let Him in every place – only by His grace, in His infinite and beautiful love and tenderness.

He didn’t prise my heart open – He just gently led and invited and drew me in. PRAISE to the ONE who SEES! He knows the deepest, most hidden things, the pain, the wounds, the hindrances and blockages that we have no idea are even there, and as we yield to Him and seek Him, He knows absolutely how to break us free of them and bring us to freedom, to deliver us from things too strong for us.

Although that was almost 3 years ago, I still feel like I am near the beginning of a journey of knowing God as my Father, a journey of allowing myself to be fathered by a perfectly loving Father. It feels very vulnerable but I know it is to be treasured and that as I trust Him it will be more wonderful than I can comprehend.

God is a perfect Father. No man could ever be. But God gives the privilege of being a father to a multitude of men. Some are amazing as fathers, some are pitiful as fathers. Some are fully present, some are totally absent. We are living in a generation that knows so much fatherlessness. There is so much pain, so much loss, so much absence. And for those that ache and are anguished on Father’s Day, I relate. Yet there is HOPE! God is the perfect Father, and He wants to be Father to you.

Today I was thankful for Father’s Day. I could rejoice. God has given me an amazing husband who is a wonderfully present, engaged, loving, tender, God-fearing father to his girls. I’ve learnt so much about what a father is from him. And I see others being wonderful fathers and observe the love they lavish on their children too (whether grown or still little) and know they reflect something of the love God my Father has for me. Sometimes when I don’t ‘feel’ God’s love or know consciously His Father’s heart towards me, I still crave and ache for the physical presence of a father, but I also see that He does provide the love of a father in a hug, a hand on the shoulder, a prayer, an encouragement from the Godly men and fathers who He has placed around me. I am thankful for them and thankful for their example and love. And I celebrate those fathers today. Thank you for seeking God’s heart and expressing His love for your children. May the love He has put in you, fathers, overflow and extend to those who are father-less. There are so many who need you.

It’s been about three and half months since we moved to England and whilst there is still some measure of transition going on, there is also a definite feeling of being more settled, having our bearings and taking hold of the ‘new’.  It’s been a big move. Over the last months we’ve had to hold firm to  the knowledge that God called us here and then made a way for us to be here. At times it’s been shakey and challenging, but that foundation has kept us.

Moving to a whole new environment with new people, different culture & lifestyle, new territory and different spiritual atmosphere certainly highlights cracks in ones security. Indeed, awareness of insecurities has been high over the last months and we’ve had to continually bring them before the Lord to let Him deal with us. So many things have shifted – friendships, routines, patterns of life – there’s been so much change and in that there is the wondering of ‘who am I?’, ‘what am I doing here?’, ‘who are my friends?’, ‘what is my role?’… Back in the US where we were well established in ways of life, routines, friendships and roles, such questions were not at the forefront as they are now and life just ticked by in the security of those routines, friendships, etc. Nothing like a leap to the other side of the pond to shake all that up! It’s good and at the same time it is sometimes painfully exposing those cracks that need to be secured and healed.

Adjustment has been necessary on so many levels. From getting used to hanging out the washing on the line (or throughout the house on rainy days), to having to shop 2-3 times a week because the fridges & freezers here are much smaller than we were used to in the US, to driving in rush-hour traffic to do the school run on roads that are far narrower than those in Florida, to working to a budget because the cost of most things is higher here in the UK, to climbing hills (which are non-existent in central Florida)… That’s just a few things on a practical level!  The weather here so far has actually been far more enjoyable than in Orlando (especially now that ‘summer’ has hit there) and we’ve been delighting in exploring some of the multitude of footpaths that criss-cross fields and hills pretty much everywhere, as well as enjoying our little garden. One of the blessings of our location is discovering that even though we are in the suburbs of greater London, there are so many green areas close by, and we are only about a 20 minute drive to real countryside.

Abigail and Audrey started school 3 weeks ago and have settled in beautifully. They are enjoying new friends, routine and the excitement of learning (somewhat anyway…until it comes to homework!). Katherine has been offered a place at the same school to start in September and she is very excited! Every day when we go to pick up the girls Katherine runs to stand in line with them in the playground as they are dismissed from school. I think she’s probably too cute for the teachers to complain about it!

Below are a few photos from the last month. Don’t forget to follow our blog (click on the ‘follow’ button after inserting your email address) to get updates right to your inbox.

There are times when life is going swimmingly well, or at least relatively smoothly, and there are times when you feel like you get whopped out of nowhere and the hit takes you down. This week has been such a week for me.

We’ve been getting settled here, continuing to transition to our new surroundings, routine, life here and things have been going okay. Yes, little bumps here and there, but generally pretty smoothly considering all the changes. But in the latter part of this week I felt like I suddenly sank under a great weight of depression and darkness. I didn’t want to do anything, go anywhere, be bothered with anything. I just wanted to curl up in ball under the covers and sleep, endlessly sleep. And I felt cranky with myself and with everyone else.

I tried (in vain) to figure out why I was feeling this way… perhaps it was this, perhaps that… maybe it was many things combined, maybe it was tiredness… and then I tried to think my way out of the depression. The more I thought the worse it seemed to get because I wasn’t getting anywhere. All I could see was a path that was sinking deeper and deeper into mire.

Depression and mental battles are not new to me – but it has been a long time since I’ve felt such a hit and such intensity of feelings. I know that there is victory to be had, that I can be on the winning side of the battle. Indeed, I know I should be, because God is! But there is a great tug to look at the feelings, to give in to them, to let them take over and just to sink with them. It’s very real. I am tired. And I don’t feel like I’ve got much fight in me right now.

But I recognize that I have a choice. And the choice I make matters. When David was surrounded by enemies at Ziklag (1 Samuel 30), and all had been plundered, and his wives taken, and even his friends turned against him, he had a choice. I’m sure despair tugged at him. I suspect darkness was encroaching. Yet he chose to encourage himself in the Lord. To turn his eyes to his God and not to the circumstances that he found himself in – which would have easily overwhelmed.

In Psalm 42 the psalmist cries out:

“Why are you cast down, O my soul,
    and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
    my salvation  and my God.”

Thank God for all those who have walked before us and who have fought through these battles and become part of the great cloud of witnesses who cheer us on. When I remember this it spurs me on to want to become one who chooses to hope again, to declare God as my salvation and my rescue, whom I will praise again. He is the same God who rescued David from his enemies and gave him victory. But David had to choose to trust. If he hadn’t he would have likely been overwhelmed by the circumstances and given way to the fear, despair and desperation.

One of the songs on my current playlist is ‘You Say’ by Lauren Daigle and the chorus says:

You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe, oh I believe
What You say of me
I believe

God’s perspective is so different from mine.  He says His thoughts are far higher than mine. It’s easy when feeling downcast and discouraged to think that God has a negative view of me, to feel abandoned and lost. But it isn’t the truth. And that’s where I have to make a decision to chose to believe the truth in spite of what I feel, to remind my soul of the truth, to quiet the raging turmoil within and entrust myself into the arms of the Saviour who loves me and wants to free me, untangle me, deliver me and strengthen me to stand for the days that are ahead. Will I let fruit come from the battles I am walking through? Will I choose to trust Him in spite of what I feel? Will I encourage myself in the Lord, rather than let the feelings have their say in my mind and my heart? It truly is a battle.

It comforts me to remember that God is compassionate and He understands our weaknesses. He isn’t far off. He’s near to the broken hearted, near to those crushed in spirit. How many truths the psalmists wrote about who our God is! Take courage my heart! Stay steadfast my soul! There is a way through. And I’m not alone in the battle. Pr John Mulinde once said that you never know when you’ll come under ambush and how vital it is to have people around you (to stand with you, fight for you, pick you up, bind up your wounds…). I thank God that He has put me in His family. We need each other and can be a blessing to one another.

Victory IS coming!

We’re heading towards two weeks of being in this fair land and it is becoming more real that we’re not just here on vacation! We are thankful to have the certainty of knowing that God has called us here… we cling to that on the days when the challenges come and the desire to be back where we were comfortable rises up! Our God is so good to have made it very clear and to have spoken in numerous ways so that we can stand in these days of transition and change.  It definitely requires us putting our eyes on the Lord moment by moment, quick repentance when we turn and look at circumstances or let stress come in, and a deeper level of trust and faith – all of which is wonderful training and a beautiful thing, but also messy and vulnerable!

We are gratefully still in the OM (Operation Mobilization) guest house and the girls have made friends with the 11 year old daughter of the couple who run the house (to the point of tears if they don’t get to say goodnight to her in the evenings!!)… but we hope to be moving to our new, albeit somewhat temporary, house on Saturday! We are very much looking forward to having a little more space and not all being in one room, and to getting to unpack our suitcases! Last week Pr Jonathan was at a prayer gathering with other pastors and happened to ask if anyone knew of accommodation available – and a place had just opened up in a ‘Manse’ – a house next to a church provided for the minister of the church –  in Bromley Commons, only a few miles south of Bromley. Gratefully we were able to negotiate the rent to be about half of what we would otherwise be paying for a house here. It is only short-term accommodation as they are looking for a new minister for their church and when they get one we will need to move, but as we’ve prayed we have felt it is the next step, so we take it not knowing how long we’ll be there or where we’ll be beyond that, but thankful that our loving Father is providing for us and leading us. We just simply have to follow.

Our days so far have been filled with exploring Bromley and getting our bearings on where things are; increasing our boldness/courage when driving; working on Bill’s visa; looking for a vehicle for when we return our rental one on Wednesday; hanging out with Grace; playgroup at the church; visiting new friends; and sampling almost all of Sainsbury’s microwave meal selection!! We did have one very wet, cold & windy trip to Farnborough to meet up with my mum and sitting on the M25 (the highway that circles London) in the pouring rain in solid traffic on the way home we had one of a number of moments when we really wanted to be back in our comfort zone and wondered what on earth we were doing here!! The grace of God IS sufficient to keep us and we will seek to dwell in that grace!

We are grateful and thankful for your prayers – please do continue to pray as we move on Saturday and as we are still very much in transition! The girls are doing well and making new friends…for them there is still maybe the feeling of vacation (although its a fairly wet and cold one) but they are adapting and enjoying Bromley Town Church and new adventures! We are facing issues with Bill’s visa that definitely need prayer, and we need strength because we are both very tired and not sleeping particularly well – which can definitely add to the feeling of vulnerability and the desire for the ‘comfort zone’ we were used to!

Not the greatest pictures, but this will be our home as of Saturday

Thank you for walking with us and for your messages! If you haven’t already done so, please ‘follow our blog’ so that you’ll be notified when we post updates. Much love to you all!