God will not always chide…

One of my lovely little girls, namely Katherine, decided that she was done with sleeping at about 1am last night! There seemed to be no rime nor reason as to why she thought that 1am was wake-up time, but some time later she managed to wake up Audrey (with whom she shares a room) and they both determined it was play time – putting the light on, giggling in Katherine’s bed and chatting away merrily. I don’t remember the times at which we got up – I know William went down first at 1am (I didn’t even hear her that time), then I at 1:30… but then it gets blurry! I spoke over the monitor to Katherine over the next hour or so (desperately tired and not wanting to get out of bed) and eventually went down again maybe around 3am feeling cross, impatient and exhausted.

Audrey (who I think, generously, may have been trying to help) had already dashed back to her bed and was quiet, whilst Katherine put her hands over her ears as I chided her and got her back in her sleeping bag and under her covers. I WAS frustrated, angry, tired and not tender in my chiding. She didn’t say anything until I told her I was taking away her new bedside light for the rest of the night – then she sobbed and sobbed sad tears and cries of remorse and, I think, fear – it’s not too often that I so strongly rebuke her. I leant over her and held her as she cried, kissing her soft wet cheeks and felt an overwhelming love for her and her tender heart – love that banished the anger and frustration of the situation.

When I went back to my bed a short while later, I was replaying the scenario in my mind when the Lord spoke to me. I was wondering if I’d been too harsh, if I’d caused her too many tears or been too angry and frustrated in my tiredness. This scripture came to mind:

“He will not always chide, nor will He keep His anger forever” (Psalm 103:9)

I had a sense of what the word ‘chide’ meant, but looked it up in various dictionaries for the sake of clarity: to speak to someone severely because they have behaved badly; to voice disapproval to; reproach in a usually mild and constructive manner; to speak out in angry or displeased rebuke; to scold.

I had definitely ‘chided’ Katherine. Yet as I lay there I felt the Lord show me His heart through this verse and showed me how I had expressed His heart to Katherine. He does at times chide us – disapprove of our behavior, voice disapproval, even speak to us severely – but He won’t be angry forever. His steadfast love is towards us and He will pour out that love and comfort and compassion and mercy the moment we turn to Him, confess our failing and give him our sorrow. Katherine’s pure cries melted my anger and frustration last night and caused my heart to pour out love and mercy and comfort upon her. What a beautiful, tender and loving Heavenly Father we have!

I started a course this week on hearing the voice of God (The Prophetic Voice of God by Lana Vawser) and a few things have deeply encouraged me just in the first session… 1) the desire God has to speak to me, to reveal secrets and mysteries to me, and to have me adventure with him daily; 2) increased expectation for God to speak throughout the day in many ways if I will just be attentive and alert and 3) the positioning of my heart matters in relation to hearing God speak (which ties in with 1 & 2 – expectation and desire). I’m sure that the encouragement of starting this course this week meant that I was able to sense God speaking at 3am and to weep over His love and mercy for me and for Katherine. I can’t say that I stayed in the place of peace and love as it took until 5am to get Katherine back to sleep, but I glimpsed His heart in the chiding and the anger as a parent and the overflow of compassion in response to the sorrow. Oh what a wonder that God teaches us His ways through children in the night hours! Thank you Lord!