Catch Us The Little Foxes

Parenting is one of the greatest joys of my life and also one of the greatest challenges. In these last few weeks we’ve been seeing some patterns and behaviors in our girls that need to be nipped in the bud. Living in the Kingdom of God our standards are to be His and not the standards of the world around us… so whilst some things may be acceptable according to the world’s eyes, they aren’t to ours… not because we’re any better than anyone else, but simply because we are called His and our lives are no longer our own and are lived for His glory.

This morning I had a particularly challenging walk to school with the girls… I’ll mention no names but one of the girls got in a temper because I didn’t want her to run towards the road we have to cross and she didn’t want to stop (she wanted to be FIRST). This certain young lady has a formidable temper (& voice) and great determination. One of her sisters, who was vying for control and ‘first position’ in the daily (unwanted) ‘whose-going-to-lead’ race, wasn’t helping matters as she wouldn’t back down, which meant that the last 100 metres or so of the walk to school looked (and sounded) like I was seriously hurting my child, when in fact I was simply trying to get her to walk and not lie on the pavement, whilst also trying to keep track of three others and get them into school. The enemy loves these moments to tell you that you’re rubbish, that your kids are going to hate you and that you should be ashamed of how you treat your children and that everyone around you is judging you for your rubbish parenting and badly behaved children. Oh, he knows how to rub it in in those moments. I walked home crying, unable to hold back tears, trying to avoid all the usual people I see on the school run.

A few weeks ago, in the course I’m doing called ‘The Prophetic Voice of God’, Lana Vawser spoke about the scripture from The Song of Solomon (2:15) “Catch the foxes for us, the little foxes that spoil the vineyards, for our vineyards are in blossom.” As I’ve been asking the Lord to show me the foxes and teach me how to catch them, He’s faithfully been revealing some things that hinder fruit growing. One of these things is shame. I looked at various dictionaries definitions of shame and came to this: Shame is a painful emotion and feeling of embarrassment or humiliation caused by the belief that one is, or is perceived by others to be, inferior or unworthy of affection or respect because of one’s dishonorable, immoral or improper actions, thoughts, circumstances, or experiences.

One of the things that I love about this journey of getting to know God is having Him as my closest friend and being able to bring everything to Him. This morning I really felt the pain of shame and as I prayed the Holy Spirit showed me lots of other situations in my life where shame has been able to come in and in a sense, find a place to dwell. I read something a grieving widow wrote a week or so ago, about the hard work of facing pain and grief, working through it, feeling it and letting the Lord touch those places, and I was reminded of that this morning. Walking with the Lord and facing my sin and my shame is painful – in the past I worked so hard at burying such feelings and finding ways to cover them – but I know now that if I do face them and let God in to deal with them, there is freedom and healing and restoration.

And there is nothing like parenting to provoke feelings… the good, the bad and the ugly! Never have I felt so needy for wisdom, grace, patience, love! And at the same time never have I felt so loved. A week or two ago I was struggling with my lack of ‘alone time’. Ruth had had chicken pox and then one after the other the girls got a vomiting bug, so my two mornings weekly when all the girls are at school or nursery hadn’t happened for 2 weeks and my soul was feeling squeezed and I was wrestling with it. I cried out to the Lord, “How do I get time with You?” and immediately I heard, “Whatsoever you do to the least of these, you do unto Me.” One word from God changes everything. Immediately my perspective shifted. Immediately joy came. The revelation that as I put cold washcloths on my feverish daughters’ head I am actually ministering to God and being with Him, and that as I love them and hug them and practically care for them I am doing it for my Lord… it shifted something, caused my heart to bow and to be thankful. What a gracious God! What provision through His word! He really does know how to meet us in EVERY situation and to bring us through. I’m thankful for this journey and for how much God is using parenting to teach me, hone me, break me and restore me. His ways are not my ways!!