What if…?

Over the summer I learnt something from my youngest, Ruth. I don’t think I’ve ever known a child ask as many ‘what if’ or ‘what would happen if’ questions as she does. It was fairly constant throughout the summer and honestly I was a little exasperated and worn down by them at times and wondering how her teachers would survive the constant barrage come September! But then one day on holiday we were running down a hillside together and as the questions continued I began to listen in a different way… “What if I was a purple octopus and you had to dive into the ocean to feed me every day?” “What if I was Linda’s dog’s twin sister and lived with her?” “What if all the planets actually made a floaty around God’s waist?” Instead of brushing them off or responding to her with an ‘I don’t know’, I engaged with her and entered her world of imagination and wonder. The frustration reduced and the fun increased! What a world of ‘What if’s?’ she lives in… wow! She has quite the imagination and a great dose of creativity, and over the weeks since then it has provoked me to ask more (though distinctly lame by comparison) ‘What if’ questions.

For me, with Ruth starting school, there has been a shift in season. For the first time in almost 10 years I am getting to have some child-free space and time. I love the girls dearly, but never have I felt so ready for and in need of a new season! Over the summer I wondered and anticipated what it might look like, and have been praying that God would show me what I’m to do and how I’m to be in this season. I’ve felt not to rush into ‘doing’ anything particular, though there are plenty of things I know I could give my time to volunteer doing! As a backdrop, we’re also as a family in a season of seeking God and wondering what’s next, as William’s contract at BTC will finish at the end of the school year in July 2023… just 10 months from now. We don’t have any clarity or real direction at the moment, just a couple of doors that we’re gently pushing to see if they lead to anything! But with that backdrop I have sensed the need to work on bringing some order in the house – we’ve accumulated lots of ‘stuff’ over the last 3 and a half years here in England and I need to sort it from top to bottom…paperwork, clothes, toys, etc… in case we will be moving. So it’s time for some purging!

And I don’t think the purging is going to just be physical. To purge means to rid of whatever is impure or undesirable, to cleanse, to purify, to free… and God has been speaking to me about a new season of freedom. The summer holidays were full of much inner wrestling and battle, feeling out-of-sorts and disconnected in some ways, even amidst some great weeks’ away as a family. But as we came towards the end of August and the girls prepared to go back to school, these words from the Song of Songs struck so deep in my heart: “I have come as you have asked to draw you to My heart and lead you out. For now is the time, My beautiful one. The season has changed, the bondage of your barren winter has ended, and the season of hiding is over and gone.” (2:10-11 TPT) One night, in the same week that this had struck me, I also had a picture come to my mind. It was so vivid and unusual for me that I couldn’t sleep and by 1am I was compelled to get up and sketch it, partly because I was afraid of forgetting it. Through it I sensed God was saying to me that He’s going to set me free in this coming season in such a way that my current state will seem like death in comparison, and that creativity and new life are going to come forth. Quite a promise!

Now many of you who have known me for some time know that already my life has been transformed by Jesus… radically… and that change was as though I was a dead person, unable to function, who was raised to life. And God has continued to lead and shape me over the last 17 years since that transformation. Yet here He is telling me that what my life looks like now, and how I am now, will seem like death compared to what is coming. Woah! Now that’s exciting. There are many things that for many years I have longed (ached, prayed, cried, etc) to be free from – insecurity, fear, shame, mindsets… to name a few – and I believe that this year, whatever it looks like, is going to be a time of transformation and God doing a deep work in my heart.

So back to the ‘what if’ questions. In the context of what the Lord has been speaking to me and in relation to some of the connections He brought over the summer, I began to sense that part of this new season is going to be creative – that is, exploring creativity in a way that I haven’t done before. Since having the girls there has been little energy or time for much creativity and it honestly hadn’t really been on my mind until I sketched the picture God gave me a few weeks ago. A week or so later I was lying in bed and had a thought… “What if I could create and make some money creating?” It was actually a whole series of thoughts and what if’s because of conversations I’ve had recently about discovering who I am besides being ‘mum’, the desire to do pottery, painting, some courses and the reality that these things need resources and (for the most part) cost money. So, in spite of fears and the negative voices of ridicule and more that want to keep me from doing so, I’m offering the painting that you see in this post for sale… it’s an acrylic painting on canvas of the picture God gave me about the freedom He is going to bring. If anyone is interested I’m taking bids starting at £30… you can respond here, email, text, call or yell!

And to wrap up this post, here are some photos from the hot, dry summer holidays that we had this year!